The Gift of Second Chances

 “The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. “ 

                                    --Winston Churchill

 As I was leaving the gym the other day a friend said to me, “I’m going to try not to get my hopes up.”   She was speaking of last week’s mid term election.

 My immediate response, was, “There’s always hope!”

 It’s what I believe and know to be true in the deepest part of my being. The past informs our future but it doesn’t define it.

 And when life throws us a curve ball or disappoints us, it’s a choice whether we respond with hope or react with despair.

 I was gratified the next day to learn that a record number of diverse female candidates were voted into office, including the first female Native American and Muslim members of Congress. 

 Like a lot of women we were still reeling from the disappointment of the 2016 election, and the recent re-wounding of our collective female psyche after Congress confirmed Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court.

 Even as I gave my pep talk, I also understood my friend’s need to brace herself for disappointment. Hope and believing in Second Chances can be a vulnerable and scary place to hang out in for too long because it asks us to risk being disappointed, again and again.

 For most of my life, I was not an optimist.   As a teenager and well into adulthood I wore my cynicism as a badge of honor

 I was from a lineage that had learned it was safer to be a pessimist than an optimist. Our unique brand of pessimism showed up as resistance to new ways of doing things.

 The problem with being a pessimist is it hardens you to receiving all the goodness that life has to offer including the bounty of Second Chances.

 And then in my mid thirties I was confronted with almost every type of curve ball and disappointment you can imagine.  The first two were the death of my father three weeks before the birth of my son Patrick.  Less than a year later I left my job and five years later my marriage would be over.

 Going straight from grieving into motherhood is not a transition I wish on anyone.   The grief and anger over losing my father got pushed aside to care for my son. 

 When we chronically or consistently push aside our pain to care for others it can become a form of avoidance from ourselves and our pain. The disconnection can swallow us whole if we allow it.

 As my kids transitioned from toddler and baby into school aged and toddler, I realized I needed to confront the pain, loss and confusion I was feeling inside. I was tired of feeling so disconnected from myself and those around me. 

 I desperately needed a new perspective on my life, one that was more filled with possibilities than pessimism, but I didn’t know how to get there.

 So I spent the next several years looking for something to tether myself to and to fill me up.

 Some of us find hope in nature, some in a spiritual practice, others through creative pursuits or in a group or a Higher Power.  I sought solace in all of these.

 I learned to love all of myself from a place of wholeness... I found my Second Chance.

 Here’s what else I learned:

 ·      We can find sources of inspiration outside of ourselves to activate hope, but our sense of security must be anchored from within.

·      It takes far more strength and courage to be an optimist than a pessimist.

 ·    Our power as women comes from having the courage to be totally committed to living from our hearts, not our heads. It’s the opposite of what we’ve been taught. And for most of us it takes practice.

 From a painful period of mourning came greater joy and more resilience than I knew I possessed.   

 Over the last decade my life has unfolded in ways I could never have predicted (and believe me I tried!), and given me many more Second Chances, some challenging, but most thoroughly rewarding.

 What I want you to know is that while change and transitions bring endings to our lives, they also offer the chance of new beginnings and personal transformation ---the chance to step into a more fully embodied version of you and the life you always dreamed of.

 Second Chances are a gift from the Universe. They are a “do over.”  And because they are informed by the wisdom from our past they are guaranteed to bring into our life even more expansiveness when we accept them as an invitation instead of resisting them.

Even the most painful endings can blossom into new beginnings.  I promise.

I help my clients discover the gift of Second Chances.

If you’re interested in discovering yours, then let’s talk.